Reece's Fight !: January 2016

We had a busy month in December it just flew by and I am just shocked it’s already January and a new year. Hoping that 2016 will be a good year to our family!!

Christmas was wonderful. I enjoyed opening my gifts and it was fun to see all Santa brought my brother and I. I had my chemo 2 days before Christmas so I was not super energetic L but I tried my best to enjoy the day. My family was very blessed this past Christmas, this will be a Christmas we will all forever remember and cherish.

After Christmas we took a very quick trip to Mesa, AZ. I had my chemo on Wednesday the 30^th and we left right after. Since I'm still going weekly we had to be back the following Tuesday. It was a great trip although it felt short. I had so much fun visiting my cousins and being in the warm sunshine. My daddy's friends at Treager got me a gift card to Build A Bear. On Saturday my mom and dad took Turner and I to get a stuffed animal. I choose a Siamese cat and named her Sammy. Turner got Chewbacca from star wars and named him Chewbaqi! My grandma and grandpa Turner also drove down for a visit and stopped at my house before they left for Mesa. Turner got to drive down with them a few days before we arrived. He really enjoyed it and had such a great time playing with his cousin Talan.

(From mom) Last week it was a horrible experience. She was very mad and upset and after we got to the clinic I had to call Clinton to come back because she was screaming and hitting me, throwing things. It was so sad and frustrating to watch. I did my best to keep control but I could not control her or calm her down. Being 30 weeks pregnant made it a little difficult. Clinton came back and took her out to try and calm her down so we could get an x-ray before chemo. It took about 30 minutes but she was better. Port access was a fight but we made it.

I had my 7^th Chemo treatment on Jan. 6^t,I was very scared and nervous. I fought my mom to get into the car. My mom had to physically carry me to the car and lock the doors and start driving before I tried to get out. I was not happy and very mad at her. I said a lot of mean things that i didn't mean to say.

(Mom) I didn’t anticipate having my cancer stricken daughter scream at me for 30 min in the car while driving to PCH for Chemo…. Telling me she hated me, wanted to hit me, and didn’t like me, screaming with frustration… on and on L It was a lot of tears from both of us and although I understand her frustrations her actions were not okay. I said a prayer during all this yelling pleading for help, and asking for Reece to calm down so both her and I could arrive and we could make it through this day. It was about 5 min later that she was quiet and the rest of the drive went well. We made it to the clinic checked in and she perked up once the CLS Rachael had a fun activity to do.

That was the first day in a LONG time that I lost control, I lost my frustrations and felt like a failure as a mother. I was so upset and for the fist time EVER said how much I HATED Reece having cancer :( I wanted so badly to wake up from this horrible dream, or to run away from this entire situation. Watching her go through this and seeing how it makes her mad, sad, angry, sick, or have no desire some days it’s heartbreaking. But one thing that was a reassuring testament that day while driving (I always knew, but sometimes you lose focus) is that God HEARS and ANSWERS your prayers!! I know for a fact that the Lord heard my cries, he heard my pain and pleading for some help that day. I know that he feels Reece's pain, her frustrations, her anger, her fear, he feels my pains, and Clinton’s pain. He understands more than we all do. I’m sure it breaks his heart to have to watch her suffer, but he is stronger than all and he knows the future and he knows All Will Be Well, we just have to put our trust in his plan.

I have been struggling a lot with going to chemo and school and church. Friday my mom took me to school. I was very scared and nervous but when I arrived the “Monkey” was in my chair!! It made me smile and laugh. I thought it was silly and took the monkey out and put him in my cubby. I sat down and started working on our day project. My mom left without me even knowing and I stayed all day. I got sad just 2 times but was very brave and realized I really missed and loved going to school. When my mom came to pick me up I was happy and excited. I told her I got sad just 2 times but had a good day.

(From mom) We continue to hope and pray that Reece will start be more excited to go to school and church and not get scared. She has been through a lot and I’m sure she has a lot of fear not knowing. She has shown us that she can be strong and do hard things. I am doing well with my pregnancy and baby is healthy. Today is 32 weeks and I’ve started to get to that point of “I’m done”!! Although I am glad that he is safely inside me for the next 7 weeks so I can focus on Reece and Turner, but some days I wish my body was in better shape ! Reece has 3 more weekly chemo treatments then starting February we go every 3^rd week!!! This will be very nice for her and for all of us. She is doing very well with chemo and hasn’t been getting super sick. I was anticipating this last chemo to make her sick for a day or two but she did very well and has been eating and actually gained 1 POUND!!! We had been working very hard to keep her from losing weight and we did it! I was so excited when she stepped on the scale and he weight was up not down. She has been taking an appetite stimulant to help since Chemo has destroyed her appetite. Although she is very picky about foods I’m glad she is eating more. Here’s to another week down and hope we continue to keep strong and have positive attitudes with all that has happened.

my very fist day back to school after surgery!!