New Year! New Update

We had a busy month in December it just flew by and I am just shocked it’s already January and a new year. Hoping that 2016 will be a good year to our family!! 

Christmas was wonderful. I enjoyed opening my gifts and it was fun to see all Santa brought my brother and I. I had my chemo 2 days before Christmas so I was not super energetic L but I tried my best to enjoy the day. My family was very blessed this past Christmas, this will be a Christmas we will all forever remember and cherish.

After Christmas we took a very quick trip to Mesa, AZ. I had my chemo on Wednesday the 30^th and we left right after. Since I'm still going weekly we had to be back the following Tuesday. It was a great trip although it felt short. I had so much fun visiting my cousins and being in the warm sunshine. My daddy's friends at Treager got me a gift card to Build A Bear. On Saturday my mom and dad took Turner and I to get a stuffed animal. I choose a Siamese cat and named her Sammy. Turner got Chewbacca from star wars and named him Chewbaqi!   My grandma and grandpa Turner also drove down for a visit and stopped at my house before they left for Mesa. Turner got to drive down with them a few days before we arrived. He really enjoyed it and had such a great time playing with his cousin Talan. 

 (From mom)  Last week it was a horrible experience. She was very mad and upset and after we got to the clinic I had to call Clinton to come back because she was screaming and hitting me, throwing things. It was so sad and frustrating to watch. I did my best to keep control but I could not control her or calm her down. Being 30 weeks pregnant made it a little difficult. Clinton came back and took her out to try and calm her down so we could get an x-ray before chemo. It took about 30 minutes but she was better. Port access was a fight but we made it.

I had my 7^th Chemo treatment on Jan. 6^t, I was very scared and nervous. I fought my mom to get into the car. My mom had to physically carry me to the car and lock the doors and start driving before I tried to get out. I was not happy and very mad at her. I said a lot of mean things that i didn't mean to say.

(Mom) I didn’t anticipate having my cancer stricken daughter scream at me for 30 min in the car while driving to PCH for Chemo…. Telling me she hated me, wanted to hit me, and didn’t like me, screaming with frustration… on and on L It was a lot of tears from both of us and although I understand her frustrations her actions were not okay. I said a prayer during all this yelling pleading for help, and asking for Reece to calm down so both her and I could arrive and we could make it through this day. It was about 5 min later that she was quiet and the rest of the drive went well. We made it to the clinic checked in and she perked up once the CLS Rachael had a fun activity to do.

That was the first day in a LONG time that I lost control,  I lost my frustrations and felt like a failure as a mother. I was so upset and for the fist time EVER said how much I HATED Reece having cancer  :(  I wanted so badly to wake up from this horrible dream, or to run away from this entire situation. Watching her go through this and seeing how it makes her mad, sad, angry, sick, or have no desire some days it’s heartbreaking.  But one thing that was a reassuring testament that day while driving (I always knew, but sometimes you lose focus) is that God HEARS and ANSWERS your prayers!! I know for a fact that the Lord heard my cries, he heard my pain and pleading for some help that day.  I know that he feels Reece's pain, her frustrations, her anger, her fear, he feels my pains, and Clinton’s pain. He understands more than we all do. I’m sure it breaks his heart to have to watch her suffer, but he is stronger than all and he knows the future and he knows All Will Be Well, we just have to put our trust in his plan. 

I have been struggling a lot with going to chemo and school and church. Friday my mom took me to school. I was very scared and nervous but when I arrived the “Monkey” was in my chair!! It made me smile and laugh. I thought it was silly and took the monkey out and put him in my cubby. I sat down and started working on our day project. My mom left without me even knowing and I stayed all day. I got sad just 2 times but was very brave and realized I really missed and loved going to school. When my mom came to pick me up I was happy and excited. I told her I got sad just 2 times but had a good day. 

(From mom) We continue to hope and pray that Reece will start be more excited to go to school and church and not get scared. She has been through a lot and I’m sure she has a lot of fear not knowing. She has shown us that she can be strong and do hard things. I am doing well with my pregnancy and baby is healthy. Today is 32 weeks and I’ve started to get to that point of “I’m done”!! Although I am glad that he is safely inside me for the next 7 weeks so I can focus on Reece and Turner, but some days I wish my body was in better shape ! Reece has 3 more weekly chemo treatments then starting February we go every 3^rd week!!! This will be very nice for her and for all of us. She is doing very well with chemo and hasn’t been getting super sick. I was anticipating this last chemo to make her sick for a day or two but she did very well and has been eating and actually gained 1 POUND!!! We had been working very hard to keep her from losing weight and we did it!  I was so excited when she stepped on the scale and he weight was up not down. She has been taking an appetite stimulant to help since Chemo has destroyed her appetite. Although she is very picky about foods I’m glad she is eating more. Here’s to another week down and hope we continue to keep strong and have positive attitudes with all that has happened. 

                                                         my very fist day back to school after surgery!!

                                   
                                                                   Christmas 2015

                                                             

                                          Reece got her "monkey in my chair" package for school!!

                                                                      LAST Chemo in 2015 !!!    
                                                         

at Build a Bear making my new kitty Sammy!!                                                           

             Week 7 of Chemo! just 8 more left :)         

4 Weeks Post Surgery and 4th Chemo Treatment

From my mom

As I sit here tonight after my relatively calm day I ponder over the past 4 weeks. Today was my 28^th week apt, all went well or as could be expected. I had another ultrasound to check a few things out and mostly to check if my placenta had moved, sadly it hasn’t and it’s pretty low. My wonderful Doctor said she loves to be optimistic about it but looking at it she doesn’t want to get my hopes up for the placenta moving where it should and disappoint me when it hasn’t. Baby looks good and healthy which is great considering I have been super stressed and didn’t eat or take care of myself while Reece was in the hospital.

Today marks 4 weeks since we found the “mass” that we later discovered was a tumor in Reece’s kidney. It’s hard to believe 4 weeks have passed or maybe I can’t believe it’s only been 4 week when it feels like much more.  Last night was rough for Reece, she was running a fever and we almost had to take her to the hospital. She didn’t sleep and was just miserable all night long. We both had a horrible night up and down with lots of tears. So today was a good day to take a nap but she started moaning and crying while sleeping. I woke her up to find out what was wrong and she said her tummy hurt. It’s been about 4 days since she has had a BM and I’m worried she has some trapped stool L as none exciting as that sounds it’s all in conjunction with her Chemo. So we have to keep her on Miralax daily, sadly she hasn’t had much of an appetite all week so not much food is going in but what food did go in has not come out L Chemo has made her very picky with food and the smells, so she doesn’t eat much which is not good as she has been losing weight, so yesterday we started on an appetite stimulant, just hope it help increase her to eat more.

I will be honest saying how much I HATE pumping her full of medications or toxins L , and the CRAPPY side effects that they cause,  but I have to push that aside and think what is best for her and just know that it’s going to help.

Cancer is like a “silent Killer”. You have it without even knowing and by the time you find it it’s already spread and then you have to kill every good cell in your body to kill the cancer cells that were left behind.  We were lucky to find this when we did, it’s a miracle that we caught it as early as we did considering it can get 3x the size it was. I believe in miracles and this was a true miracle as the cancer had already started spreading up towards the heart and lungs. If we didn’t have any symptoms it would have reached dangerous areas and the diagnosis would have been devastating. So as much as I HATE cancer and HATE this entire situation I am grateful for the simple miracle that happened 4 weeks ago.

Reece’s hair stated falling out Monday, it was something I thought I was prepared for but I was NOT. Today I asked her if she would like to cut her hair a little so that it wasn’t so long and getting in everything. She thought for a while and said yes. I’m just so amazed and proud of how well she is handling everything. I talked to her about things but in reality she is just too young to understand fully what she’s going through and I wish so badly that I could help her little mind comprehend this all. Most of the time she tells me “I don’t know how to explain it” it just breaks my heart wishing I could just help her.

Turner has been very overwhelmed by everything and he gets concerned when she is sick, throwing up, or has to go to the doctor. He too is just not old enough to understand and comprehend all that is going on. Today after her hair cut he says “Reece you look beautiful”. I wanted to cry it was so sweet, more than half of her beautiful hair is gone and it’s so thin and her sweet little brother though she looked beautiful!!  I feel he has been affected by everything in his own way, as much as a 4 year old can. I’m not a child psychologist but kids have emotions and I’m sure they feel stress in their own way. I try and make special time for him and when I’m gone a lot with Reece it affects him a lot. He is already been a mommas boy so he is very clinging and when I’m gone it just grows!

Today is December 15, 2015

I have officially lost all my hair, it’s just tiny patches of spiky hairs. Ive been very brave and didn’t even get sad or scared that it was gone. I went to school all day on Monday. My mom did stay for a couple hours and was able to finally break away. Today I tried to go again but I was just too nervous and wasn’t able to stay without my mom being there so we all went home. 

(from mom) I’m trying hard to find a way for her to be comfortable staying and not scared. I noticed she is getting very anxious about a lot of things, and I completely understand. Her life has been turned upside down. I just hope and pray that we can find a way for her to feel okay and not scared about things that she loves doing.

Sunday my dear friend Natalie Crockett was planning to take family pictures for us and she woke up sick. She felt horrible and was inclined to find a replacement. I was okay with trying to reschedule but she insisted on getting them done. So after she posted a message on a city FB site within a matter of minutes she found someone. His name was Jake McCloud, never met him before until that afternoon. He met us at the AF amphitheater and took some amazing photos. He told us he would be able to drop a flash drive that evening with the photos. I was very grateful for his kindness and insisted that he didn’t need to rush on the photos so soon. Just after 6pm he sent a text message to Clinton saying it was a pleasure working with us today and he left the photos on our door step. What we found on the door was nothing we expected. There were TWO 16x20 framed pictures, 1 of just Reece and another print framed with our family, he also included a photo album with some of the pictures he took that afternoon!! It immediately brought me to tears. I was just in AW and shock that this complete stranger had not only given us a free photo shoot but he personally framed 2 pictures and printed others and placed in an album.  With all that has happened in the past 4 weeks we are just overwhelmed by so many kind and generous people. Some we know well and others we have never met. I am just more assured that the Lord hears and answers prayers, he sends angles to comfort and even complete strangers to bless lives so they may be blessed.  Jake was very touched by our story and he said it was a privilege doing this photo shoot and amazed at how happy we all were considering the circumstances.

This week is my 4^th chemo treatment which means it’s going to be crappy, its a long slow drip and this Chemo I gets 2 different drugs which make me super sick. The first week I get 2 and then weeks 2 and 3 I gets just 1 drug. So on the days I get the 2 drugs it takes a lot out of me and makes me super sick. I am grateful for the past 2 weeks that have been relatively good. I am very nervous about going to chemo because I knows what happens. The worst part is accessing my port, which I’m hoping will get better. It’s scary but the nursing staff are very kind and loving. I really like the child life specialist who is with me at every apt to help in any way she can.